Feedback hasn’t always been my favorite thing, at least until I mastered the art of both giving and receiving it correctly. When done right, feedback isn’t a painful experience, neither for the giver nor the receiver. Having attended several training sessions and workshops on feedback, I can confidently say that even these educational endeavors often get it wrong. Trust me, once you’ve witnessed the magic of successful feedback in action, you can easily spot when it’s being taught incorrectly.
We’re all familiar with the concept of a “compliment sandwich,” where you begin with a positive remark, followed by a negative one, and then end with another positive note to balance it out, right? We’ll delve deeper into that later, but my own journey with feedback followed a similar trajectory. In three distinct companies I worked for, I started and concluded with organizations that had no clue about the essence of feedback. It was in the middle of my career that I stumbled upon the true power of feedback within a company that had mastered this art.
The Recipe for Successful Feedback
Positive Intent
In my opinion, positive intent serves as the cornerstone of effective feedback. As the recipient of feedback, I’d always remind myself that the person offering feedback isn’t out to attack me; their goal is to assist me in becoming the best version of myself. Conversely, as the giver of feedback, I understood the importance of delivering it constructively, without hostility, and with care. Above all else, both parties must recognize that feedback should always be given and received with positive intent to maximize its effectiveness.
Giving Feedback
The Medium Matters
Giving someone feedback may seem easier, especially in today’s digital age where remote work is prevalent, and we can hide behind screens and keyboards. Gone are the days of face-to-face feedback sessions that required looking someone in the eye as you delivered your message.
However, there’s a crucial distinction: while giving feedback online or via a messaging platform might be more convenient, the impact it has is quite the opposite. When you provide feedback through a live chat or a company message board, you strip away tone, emotion, and empathy. Your message becomes susceptible to misinterpretation and can leave a bitter taste in the recipient’s mouth. In contrast, providing feedback in person or through a video call not only reveals your words but also your body language, tone, and empathy. It humanizes the message, making it more relatable.
Feedback always puts the recipient on high alert. Emotions surge, and fight-or-flight instincts kick in.
Permission
Before you dive into giving feedback, it’s crucial to first ask the recipient if they are open to receiving it. If they decline, it’s best to respect their decision, jot down your feedback with specific examples of the behavior, and approach them later.
But why can someone refuse feedback at that moment?
I’m glad you asked, as this is what opened my eyes to the distinction between successful and unsuccessful feedback. The answer lies in the fact that the individual may have other factors affecting them at that moment. If someone is having a rough day, the last thing they need is feedback that heightens their anxiety and emotions to an unmanageable level. As the giver of feedback, you cannot fully comprehend the recipient’s personal life circumstances. Perhaps they recently experienced a personal trauma or are still processing earlier constructive feedback.
As feedback providers, it’s imperative to respect the unknown and allow others to manage their emotions and experiences. When we ask someone if they’re open to feedback and they respond affirmatively, we empower them to make an informed choice and reduce the anxiety associated with feedback.
It’s important to note that there are instances when an employee’s behavior at work must be addressed. This is where we diverge from feedback and enter the realm of coaching, which follows a distinct recipe not covered in this article.
Your Feedback
When delivering feedback, it must be specific, behavior-based, and supported by concrete examples. If you cannot fulfill these criteria, reconsider providing the feedback.
Moreover, your feedback should not assume that the recipient will immediately adapt and change. Nor should you anticipate an immediate conversation following the feedback. The recipient needs time to process the feedback and determine its validity. Subsequently, they will decide whether to adapt. Feedback is not a tool to coerce someone into immediate change but a means of sharing an outside perspective.
Remember when I mentioned the “compliment sandwich” earlier? While it can be an effective communication technique, it doesn’t seamlessly fit into this recipe. The issue with the compliment sandwich is that the core message often gets lost between unrelated elements. Effective feedback should be direct and to the point. Instead, focus on providing more direct positive feedback. This fosters a stronger team morale, enhances cohesion among colleagues, and desensitizes the negative feedback culture. When the time comes to provide constructive feedback, your team will already have a solid bond, making feedback a familiar and well-accepted process. Avoid reserving feedback only for negative incidents, as this will only reinforce a culture of negativity.
Document It
Regardless of whether the feedback session took place or not, it’s advisable to document the feedback. This is especially valuable if you were able to deliver the feedback in person. Documentation helps in recalling specific talking points, understanding how the feedback was received, and capturing any essential details for future reference. Feedback is personal and should remain confidential between you and the recipient.
Receiving Feedback
Now that we’ve explored how to give feedback successfully, it’s time to delve into the art of receiving it.
